Many of us at some point will wonder, ‘Do I need therapy?’ ‘Is this feeling or situation bad enough to warrant seeking help or support?’ ‘Is therapy worth trying?’ or ‘How might therapy help me?’ These questions are often where we start. Sometimes, a concerned friend or family member might also suggest it to us. It is usually our feelings or situation which indicate to us that we need support. Unexpected events and big losses can hit at any time and knock us down for a while. It is okay to need a hand up at these times. Good therapy can powerfully change our capacity to cope, generating fresh ideas and increasing our self-esteem.
Perinatal Support
It is often said that when a woman’s first baby is born, “a new mother is born as well”. This is so true....and of course it also applies to first time dads! However, for new parents, it often feels as if this transition should be taken in stride - one might think there has been up to 9 months to prepare. During the perinatal phase (from pregnancy to 3 years), the challenges to our mental health and well-being can be immense, and we are often ill-prepared for the arrival of a baby into our lives on an emotional level. There is no training for this most important job. While many supporters focus on the physical changes at this time, from disruptions to our hormones, sleep, to struggles with feeding and establishing routines, those are merely the practical challenges. The most important questions are: How do you “become” a parent? What do you feel when you look at this baby? What does being a mum or dad mean to you? What does this little bundle need most from you? What will help you to be the parent you want to be? How do you build a relationship with this new person or communicate with a baby?
These unspoken questions can lead to feeling unsure if we are doing it “right” or “good enough”; to not really having any idea how to establish a solid attachment and connection to this new little person. A spiral of sleep deprived self-doubt can quickly lead to what is termed “perinatal anxiety or depression”.
We may be secretly thinking, ‘Motherhood is meant to be wonderful, but I’m not feeling it,’ or ‘I knew it would be hard...but I didn’t think it would be this hard,’ or maybe, ‘I love my baby so much, but I’m wondering if I’m doing it all right… I feel so sad… I am struggling to cope… If only I could get some sleep!’ Perinatal support at this crucial time can help you navigate these struggles and re-establish your trust in yourself and improve your relationships with your supportive circle by becoming clearer about the help you want and need and who can give it. There are now some excellent sources of information regarding what is normal and when and how to seek help online, including PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia (https://www.panda.org.au/ ) and COPE: Centre of Perinatal Excellence. In addition, therapists with perinatal experience can support you 1-1 through this time.
Trauma Support
Another big source of struggle women can experience is in the areas of unrecognised past trauma, or unrecognised anxiety or depression, the symptoms of which may have dogged you for years but which you thought were ‘normal’. Over recent decades, there has been a vast increase in knowledge about trauma and PTSD symptoms developed by researchers in the fields of neuroscience, medicine, and psychology. This has led to new and effective treatments for trauma and anxiety along with a more integrated form of assessment that takes into consideration the whole person’s needs - biological, psychological, and social. This is called the “bio-psycho-social approach,” and this is the approach we take at Nurturing Growth.
Trauma and anxiety issues sometimes stem from a big event that has been buried or which we thought we had moved on from, such as child sexual abuse, accidents, events, or losses that overwhelmed our ability to cope at the time. It can also arise from the “death of a thousand cuts” to our self-esteem and confidence growing up in a home where emotional abuse and fear was the ‘air we breathed’, but naturally could not recognize if we did not see or know any difference. The damage we experienced at that time can be a source of constant reminders (“triggers”). It can flare up at anniversary times of the event or be re-enacted in our family dynamics despite our best efforts, and much to our dismay. Once this is recognized, it is helpful to seek support and process it with a skilled trauma therapist. For more information, see Phoenix Australia - Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health (https://www.phoenixaustralia.org/ ).
Relationships, Life Changes, and Self-Development
Healthy relationships should feel mostly loving, respectful, safe, and mutual. If you are in an unhealthy relationship of any kind, you might find yourself feeling worried, fearful, confused, angry, or sad “most of the time”. This is a good indicator you might need to reflect and seek support about this.
If you have children, you may feel overwhelmed with their needs and behaviours and not know how to create some support for you all. Instead of just unthinkingly doing what our parents or role models did, this is a suitable time to seek support. A good therapist can help you identify what your children’s behaviour is telling you about their needs, help you identify larger family patterns and systems that have contributed to the issues, and support you to integrate your own changes and approach in ways that are respectful, loving, boundaried, and healthy, rather than severing relationships or causing more harm.
If you are in a big life change, you may be wondering, ‘Where is my life headed?’ ‘What have I achieved?’ or ‘Who am I, now that my kids are grown up… my working life has finished… my partner has left?’ Or simply, ‘No one needs me now… is this it?’ These are all times it may help you to have someone to talk to. Someone who brings ‘fresh eyes’, confidentiality, impartiality, and most importantly, someone who ‘gets it’ with compassion and care. See Relationships Australia (https://www.relationships.org.au/ ) for a longer discussion of these factors.
The truth is - no one is perfect, and we all have struggles at challenging times in our lives. We probably could all benefit from some time to reflect on ourselves - how we are in the world, whether this lines up with how we want to be in the world, the problems that keep repeating, what contributes to them, what we can change, and how we might go about it. Usually, it is a specific set of problems or feelings that lead someone into seeking therapy, but it can be helpful to many people at a variety of times in life. It is seeking wisdom and support when needed.
At Nurturing Growth, we provide someone who can help you recognize what your options are, what you have control over, and what you need and want to be different in your life. We can help you find a way to disengage with the struggle, a way to adjust your life so it aligns with your values - who and how you want to be in the world. We can help you develop extra life skills for managing the challenges and help you resolve the underlying trauma, loss, grief, sadness, and pain.
It is never too late to learn new things, grow and develop, take charge of your life, and be the person you want to be in the world! A short confidential conversation about your needs and how we might be able to help costs you nothing and is a significant step toward the wholeness and healing you desire in your life. You matter, and you are worth it. Make the call today to see how we can support you!
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